The whole experience has felt that it was meant to happen. I don’t recall feeling too anxious at the prospect of what could be uncovered, and have been aware that my own analytical thinking has not interrupted the HK; I have simply let it happen rather than wonder why or how – and I think this attitude has helped very much.
I feel that I entered a process with some degree of caution, however, and opted for a safe and ‘general well being’ focus initially. I particularly appreciated the way in which Minna Oldfield (UK Practitioner) was there to guide me, and explain as seemed right, but was otherwise a presence, and not an intrusive teacher in any way. What seemed even more amazing was that everything she anticipated, did actually happen – from the calmness to agitation, to the serenity.
I have always been very frightened of the threat of physical violence. This was apparent pretty early in the HK. Very soon after, I was mugged and beaten up. Of course I was scared, but, and this is the only way I can describe it, not as incapacitated by fear as I knew I would have been previously. I have had a similar understanding with a lifelong terror of drowning (though not of water). After an HK session involving this thought and its unlocking. I continue to have the healthy fear of drowning, but no longer have the repeated nightmares about it. Minna also explained a very sound reason about this panic. I choose not to analyse it further – all I know is how I now feel.
After the initial episode of a few sessions I took the plunge and went straight into the reasons why I thought I was stuck and wanted some input into resolution and change. I actually felt as if Minna already knew what I was saying, not from any magical beliefs, but that she’d previously recognised the processes which were blocking my energy. The next few weeks felt tough, both in sessions and outside. I was aware of some ambivalence on my part and some agitation – but we both stuck with it (thanks Minna).
I’ve cried, I’ve felt an inner calm, I’ve felt slightly giddy and I’ve felt an intense anger – all as anticipated. Three months from my last session however and I have retained the inner understanding of who I am. I’m not there yet, but I have the knowledge of where I’m going, which I had lost for a few years. In summary, I remain in awe of the whole process but most thankful too.
SWF, UK
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